Confident Children--Why Are Some So Fearful?

Hello from beautiful Montana:

Sorry I have not been posting lately, but have been walking my walk, not just talking my talk.  I have been building and strengthening family relationships.  Okay, okay, so I was playing with grandkids and having fun with adult children.

We met in Idaho at a daughter's small ranch.  They had just gotten a new horse and I was intrigued to see how the different ones approached the opportunity to ride a 3500 pound hairy beast.

As a child I was bucked off a horse and my foot caught in the stirrup and I was dragged for some distance. So,  in my mind, I can feel justified in my fear and disdain of any horse that doesn't go around on the Carousel, but did not want to influence any of the others.

Let Me At Him

Most of the children and adults were eager to ride and was exited for the chance.  They talked and laughed while waiting their turn, and needed only basic guidance on how this particular horse liked to be ridden.  They shared positive stories about the joy of riding and the freedom of flying along a beautiful landscape with your hair flowing in the wind.

Even though there were some stories about bad or funny experiences, most were about the connection one feels with the animal.  They spoke of the feelings of power and pleasure.

Not Yet, But Soon

Then there were others who sounded brave and anxious, but kept maneuvering back to the end of the line.  They were about 65% ready to be next, but wanted to be sure that everyone came back in one piece.  Some wanted an adult to lead the horse around and stay close, just in case something spooked the horse and she bucked.

It wasn't that they hadn't heard the positive stories of fun, but they zeroed in on the few stories that had a negative tone.

NO, Not Me!

Then there were a couple of us who absolutely refused to be involved.  We stood on the sidelines and encouraged others, but chose  not to be involved. It looked like fun for others, but for us, we would look at the landscape and let our hair fly while riding in a convertible, thank you.

The interesting thing I noticed was those who did not ride the horse, have accomplished incredible things in other areas of our lives.  We can write books, build houses, read at 3, and star in Shakespeare, but are not about to ride a horse.

Fearful or Fateful

Isn't it wonderful that we can choose how we react?  Our fate is not sealed by our past experiences, if we examine each situation and make a conscious choice. 

In my self-talk, I reminded myself that this was a different horse, different situation and I am no longer a child.  Now in the present, I knew that I had succeeded at other hard things and could succeed at riding a horse if I wanted to.  But, I didn't.

Choose for Yourself-Be Confident in Your Choice

God gave us brains to think of options and freedom of choice.  We need to remember that we can do anything if we are not afraid.  Fear is what stops us from accomplishing great things and confidence helps us to make wise choices.  Like not riding horses.

If you would like to learn more about building self confidence with encouragement, please go to http://www.EncourageSelfConfidence.com for an eCourse or call me at 406-549-9813 for private or group confidence coaching.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author

Comments

[David Reynolds]

Judy

You are so right. I think we often forgot God gave us brains and even though He also provided a great 'manual' for us, He still desires that we 'choose' properly.

I was the business manager for a ministry run by one of my seminary profs that dealt with dealing with Past Hurts and Issues of Trust and in his book he suggested we have old 'tapes' running through our heads and it is the changing of these 'tapes' which allows for repair of trust injuries. The horse example is one of an old tape that can either own us forever or we choose to change the tape and move forward.

Good post!

David